Individuals with intellectual disabilities experience grief when they lose a loved one just like everyone else.
Common misconceptions
- People with intellectual disabilities don’t understand or can’t comprehend death.
- People with intellectual disabilities don’t show grief, therefore experience no grief.
- Talking about it would be too upsetting for him/her.
We now understand
- People with intellectual disabilities respond to bereavement and loss in essentially the same way as anyone else.
- The effects of bereavement may be prolonged with people with intellectual disabilities experiencing more anxiety, depression, irritability, and other signs of distress.
Expressions of grief
- Might be obvious such as sadness, crying, or depression.
- Might be the expression of emotions through behaviors such as irritability, sleep problems, anxiety, or expressions of fear.
Assisting in the grieving process
- Provide accurate and honest information
- Provide support to process it
- Enable maximum involvement in social and spiritual activities surrounding death
- Keep connections with key supportive relationships
- Maximize opportunities for expression of grief and condolences
Key strategies
- Provide reassurance
- that there is no blame
- on the ways things will be different
- Promote conversations about the loved one
- to honor the lost life
- to remember the love they shared
- to think about what the person who has died might want for the individual
- Provide opportunities for the individual to make connections to the past, present and future:
- Look at pictures and share memories
- Make a book or a memory box about the person who died
- Give them something that belonged to the person
- Light a candle in honor of the person
- Visit places they used to go together
- Talk about how much the person who is gone would be happy about a present activity
‣ VKC Resources
‣ Local and National Resources
- Alive Hospice
- The Boggs Center on Developmental Disabilities
- Grief Speaks
- Family Health Library, Junior League Family Resource Center, Monroe Carrell Jr. Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt
A series of picture books by Sheila Hollins, Lester Sireling, and Elizabeth Webb and published by Silent Books Ltd, include ideas for having discussions:
- When Mum Died
- When Dad Died
- When Someone Dies
The content of this tip sheet is based on a Vanderbilt Kennedy Disabilities, Religion, and Spirituality Program event that was co-sponsored by Alive Hospice. Content provided by Carol Rabideau.
Top photo by Getty Images/iStockphoto
[October 2010]